


Principle

by no01



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: F/F, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Female Character of Color, LGBTQ Themes, Queer Culture, Speculation, before katniss, cannon friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-08-29 08:28:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8482537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/no01/pseuds/no01
Summary: “I don’t care. If I die tomorrow I want to die knowing that what I feel isn’t wrong. I don’t know you. I don’t know what your life is like. I don’t know what your favorite color is. But I do know that we are stuck together in this awful fucking blood pageant where lying is the only way out, and you’re the realest thing I can cling to right now. I refuse to keep living a lie."A speculation on queer culture in the Hunger Games universe and the story of District 12's first Victor and true star crossed lover. Original Characters. Femslash.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is mostly for me, for practice reasons and because I got inspired but I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think! :-)

Tate ran as fast as he could. The leaves hit his face leaving small cuts as he ran, trying to dodge rocks and fallen branches. An arrow zipped near his head, hitting a tree as he passed it, but he didn’t slow down. You could see his heart rate at the right lower corner of the screen, as well as his adrenaline and other vital signs. The boy tripped on a rock, most likely fracturing his toes. He stumbled, grunting but just kept running.

“Come on.” Lucy muttered, gripping the edge of the pristine leather couch hard, her knuckles white. The screen flashed to another part of the forest, as it followed the girl from District 4 as she ran away from the giant bear mutt that was pursuing her.

The camera switches back to Tate, and you can hear the girl and the bear approaching. Tate stops in his tracks, and so does the career behind him. The girl pivots the other way, making the bear stop and see his new targets in front of him. He lets out a ground shaking roar and run towards Tate, waking his paw across his face, sending him flying against a tree. The career boy behind him shoots an arrow, and another, and another, doing damage but not stopping the bear. It pounces on him and with one large bite, yanks out his right arm, bow and everything.

“Get up.” Lucy says to her screen, as if it could hear. Tate is still winded, trying to get up. “Run, damn it.”

“Language!” Fulvia snaps. Lucy doesn’t care. She can already feel herself start to hyperventilate.

Tate gets up, his head still spinning and starts to run. He makes it to the river, crosses it and collapses when he reaches the other side. He’s breathing hard, his toes are still broken but he’s safe. Lucy relaxes against the couch and wipes her forehead. Pride swells in her chest for a moment, but she shoves it down just as quickly as it came, and takes a sip of water.

A hand grabs Tate’s leg, and he is shoved into the water. He kicks and yells. He tries to grab on to the ground, his nails digging into stone and sand, making them bleed. His assailant is stronger than him, she is more trained than him and better fed than him. The girl from District 4 punches him and smashes his head into the ground and throws him in the water. Limp, he is carried away by waves. He kicks and splashes, but water is in his nose and in his eyes. The flow becomes harsher and he is kicked around underwater by the currents. Before he can regain control, he tumbles down the waterfall.

Lucy feels her stomach drop. It doesn’t stop. The air around her is stuck in her throat, and she feels like throwing up. She drops her cup. Water spills all over her dress, dripping on the leather couch and on her legs, into her shoes.

“Lucy!” Fulvia yells but she doesn’t hear her. Lucy runs out of the room, nearly crashing into the door. Frantically she presses the elevator button. She still can’t breathe. She wants to scream at the elevator to come faster. Everything seems like it’s moving slowly. She sees the camera on the ceiling of the roof and wants to vomit again. Her room opens at her touch and she frantically tries to find the button for the music. When she finally does, she blares it as loud as she can, not caring if anyone complains. The capitol rooms are soundproof but she doesn’t think it at the time. She can’t think of anything but the sounds of waterfalls, trains, and the feeling that the very air in her lungs was leaving her.

 

* * *

 

_Lucy wakes up, 30 minutes later, dazed and confused, her eyes blurry. There’s still water in her lungs and she coughs until she pukes whatever little was in her stomach. Snot and tears drip down her face involuntarily. She’s shaking._

_“Mina?” Lucy knows she shouldn’t be shouting but Mina was the only thing keeping her sane at this point. “Mina!”_

_Lucy didn’t remember hearing a cannon but then again, she was passed out for who knows how long, washed up on the riverbank near the sea. She felt tears building in her eyes. The only thing to do now was wait for sundown and look at the sky. If she even lasted that long._

_Lucy whipped around at the sound of footsteps approaching, unstrapping the climbing axe from her side and standing at the ready. She tried to appear more confident than she felt, and to not show that her eyes were still blurry and her that her head felt like it was going to explode._

_"Hey, put it down." It was the boy from District 4, Garreth. He had a harpoon in his grip. "I just want to form an alliance."_

_"Why should I trust you?"_

_"Because I was the one who pulled you out from the water."_

_"I already have an alliance."_

_"Yeah, the girl from District 6... She never jumped, Lucy. I saw everything."_

_Lucy felt her eyes tear up and she fell to her knees. Garreth could have well killed her at this point, but he just stood there awkwardly watching her cry. It was going to happen sooner or later but it still hurt. She sunk her fists into the sand._

_"Alright."  She said. Her legs wobbled as she stood up again, wiping furiously away at her eyes. "Where to?"_

 

* * *

 

 

Lucy woke up the next day to knocking at her door.

“Ms. Kent! Wake up! You’ll be late for your interview!”

Lucy groaned and looked at her clock. It read 10:30. The interviews were usually held the morning after the death of the last tribute she mentored, at 11:00. She would know. In her 5 years as mentor, not one tribute from her district had survived. She wondered how many more would die before she herself was dead.

“I’ll be right out!” She groaned.

“Make it quick!” Fulvia said through the door, once again. Lucy ignored her and sat up on her bed. She still had her dress on from the night before. She promptly took it off and made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She sighed heavily at the sight of her own reflection. Her skin was paler than usual, with large bags under her puffy bloodshot eyes. She used to have a small scar on her left eyebrow from when she fell down a tree during her short lived childhood. She rubbed the spot where it used to be. The capitol had removed it after her games, along with every other imperfection on her body.

Her stylist stopped by her room and gave her a yellow dress that sparkled black along the belt line. It made her waist look small and ruffled out, making her feel like a fairy in a lullaby. It was beautiful. Lucy wanted to cry again. She wanted to set it on fire. But she didn’t have any other dresses. Part of her just wanted to show up in pants and boots but she knew that could never happen. Lucy sucked back her tears and put on a fake smile. She knew how to do that. That was how she won the games after all. It was a wonder how she even recognized herself in the mirror at this point. Either a shell or a mask was all that she could see now.

“I must say, Ms. Kent, your tributes survived much longer than last year’s, and much more the year before that. You’re becoming quite the mentor.” Cesar smiled at her, and she forced one back.

“Thank you, Cesar. I’m very proud of District 12’s performance this year in the games.”

“Indeed you should be. It’s been years since someone from your District got to the top 7… besides you of course. And, you did without a mentor. How incredible is that?” They both paused for applause from the adoring crowd. Lucy smiled at them. She hated them all.  “Truly incredible.”

“You’re too kind.” Lucy still surprised herself at how good she was at this.

“So tell me, Luce, what are your big plans for the future? I’ve heard rumors about a brand new album release.”

“Actually Cesar, the album’s track is almost completely finished and a music video is already in editing process.”

“Can you give us a little sneak peak? I’m sure the crowd would love to get a taste of your voice tonight.” The crowd cheered her on.”

“Oh Cesar, I would love to, but you know my producer would kill me. But I promise it will be out soon and will totally be worth the wait. And upcoming shows for the album are sure to follow, so you’ll have plenty of opportunities to see me live.”

“That’s wonderful! Are you giving away free tickets again?”

“Absolutely! I want to give everyone an opportunity to come to my shows.”  _Everyone in the Capitol, that is._

“You really are the Capitol’s brightest star!” He paused for the applause once again. “So now that the games are over, what are you planning to do this summer? I know your birthday is coming up soon. Planning on spending it with someone special?” The audience cooed at his insinuation. Lucy’s heart beat roughly inside her chest. She paused longer than she should have. Suddenly she could feel every eye in the room staring right through her.

“…I, oh no. I just plan on spending a few quiet days to myself. Just me and my piano, and perhaps the beach. I only have a few weeks before I’m back on my feet again finishing up my new album and preparing for next year’s games. Hopefully I can find someone to mentor alongside me for a change, then I could have more time to focus on my music.”

“I’m sure we would all love to see what you could do with more free time on your hands, but it’s hard to imagine these kids being mentored by anyone else. Such a dedicated mentor, you can really see all the love you have for the games. It makes me hopeful for an even brighter future for Panem.”

“You give me too much credit, Cesar. It’s because of our growth as a nation that we can see more and more prosperity each year from Districts that normally wouldn’t be seen as competitors.” Lucy lied through her teeth. She tried many times to become numb to it, but the lies would still sting every time they left her lips. Lucy remembered when Paul and Rory had to carry bodies out of the orphanage when one of the kids didn’t show up. She remembered every face. It was the reason she was here in the first place.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself.” He kissed her hand. “A cheer for-

 

* * *

 

_“Lucy Kent! District 12!” The audience applauded eagerly. A stagehand nudged her to step out onto the stage. The lights were blinding and she could barely see a thing. Cesar kissed her hand and gestured for her to sit down._

_“So Ms. Kent! It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She remembered what Fulvia had told her. Smile, be polite, be pretty._

_“The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Flickerman.” Caesar laughed, his eyes shining with endearment._

_“Oh don’t be silly, dear. You can call me Caesar.”_

_“Alright, but only if you call me Lucy.” He chuckled and nodded._

_“You’ve got a deal, Luce. May I call you Luce?”_

_“Of course. It’s what all my friends call me back home.” Lucy was surprised at how well she was keeping her composure. Perhaps it was all those years outtalking peacekeepers and convincing Rory and Paul to let her go out and play._

_“I think it’s very suiting. It’s cute but it’s still tough, don’t you think?” Caesar asked the audience, which got him sounds of approval. “I believe you’ve got a fan following already. You’re a very pretty girl and well-mannered too.”_

_“Thank you, Caesar.” Lucy smiled and blushed.._

_“So, how old are you again?”_

_“I’m 15.”_

_“Yes, very young and bright. And you’ve been living in an orphanage all your life, correct?”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“And how is it? Living in an orphanage?”_

_“Well, it’s like having one big family that is always changing.”_

_“Really? That is not an answer I would expect.”_

_“It’s run by very nurturing people, which I think makes a difference, although we have struggled to get by in the past.” Lucy’s heart caught in her chest when Caesar’s eyes widened just slightly. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to bring up on national television. They never talk about starvation or poverty on television._

_“But things are better now?” There was a warning in his tone._

_“Yes, they are better. I have been putting my name up for tesserae for all the children since I was 12.” Lucy said. It was a risk but maybe the audience would sympathize with her kindness._

_“Really? That is quite remarkable. Perhaps it’s why you’re here today.”_

_“That’s why I wasn’t surprised when they called my name.”_

_“Well, on the bright side, if you go home you will never have to worry about tesserae again.” Cesar smiled and paused. “If you don’t mind me asking, Luce, it’s clear to see you have a big heart. Do you think that will be a hindrance during the games?”_

_Lucy paused for a moment and looked at the crowd. One wrong answer and she could lose this entire thing._

_“It won’t be easy, but I think when it comes down to it, I will to anything it takes to bring the prize back to my district and to my orphanage.”_

_“Indeed, strong motivation like that is not something to be overlooked.” Cesar kissed her hand one last time. “It’s been a pleasure talking to you tonight. Lucy Kent everybody!” The crowd cheered once more and just like that, she was escorted off the stage._

 

* * *

 

 

That night, she found herself in her usual club. An underground venue, smaller than your average Capitol night house but big enough to attract a significant amount of people. Of course, no one knew that she went there, at least she hopped no one knew. Her long haired brown wig, thick rimmed glasses evidencing that she would like to keep it that way.

Security let her in with ease and she made her way to her usual stool at the bar, where Aella greeted her with a knowing smile. The bartender promptly set three shot glasses and filled them up, each with a different colored liquor. Lucy downed all three with ease.

“Rough day?” She asked.

“Make it a triple dose today.”

“I’m on it.”

So Lucy downed 6 more. She was on her 7th shot when a young woman sat down next to her.

“Barely 5 minutes in the club and already drinking your way into a stupor?” Lucy looked to her right, at the woman. She wore a black top that stopped in the middle of her torso, high wasted black leather pants with a thin red belt, and an oversized black and choppy cardigan, with red boots and red lips to match. Her hair was long, black and thick, as were her eyelashes. Her skin was deep olive and bared no imperfection, as far as Lucy could see through her current state and the half-darkness of the club

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” Lucy chided herself for the rude response after it left her lips, but she didn’t fully regret it.

“You’re right. It isn’t any of my business. I guess you can just call me curious. It’s hard to see how such a beautiful girl like you could be so sad on a day like this. I mean the Hunger Games are in full swing so who wouldn’t be celebrating?” Lucy noticed the sarcasm in her tone but it was subtle enough not to pass off as anything unusual. She had discovered in the past few years that some people from the Capitol had their own sort of rebellion. Especially people who were like her. People who came to places like this.

“If you knew who I was, I don’t think you would be surprised.”

“Can I get to know you then?” The woman quirked one perfectly modeled eyebrow.

 _No._ Lucy answered in her head. She looked at the girl again, with her lopsided glistening white smirk, flirty face and mesmerizing curves.  _You wouldn’t want to know me anyway. At least not the real me._ And yet, Lucy slid her 9th and final shot across the bar table. The woman caught the glass, and gave one of many more triumphant smirks before taking it to her lips.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Can I sit here?” Lucy looked up from her food tray. It was the girl from District 6, Lucy remembered. They had talked briefly just before the chariot ceremony. Today, on their first day of training, she looked much different. Her strawberry blonde hair was up in a simple bun, which was in disarray after training, yet suited her somehow. With lack of intricate clothing and layers of makeup covering the girl, Lucy noticed her skin was ridiculously freckled. Sweat made strands of hair stick to the back of her neck and her cheeks were rosy._

_“Yes.” Lucy figured it was good to make allies since her district partner was already sitting with the careers. His muscular physique made him quickly accepted in their pack. Lucy wondered absent mindedly what people would think if he killed her and came home to be the first winner for District 12. It would probably make for a good show. The girl sat down._

_“I’m sorry about your District partner.” The girl offered. Lucy shrugged._

_“I’m sorry about yours.” She answered. The girl looked back and glanced at him. He sat alone, shivering, not touching his food. “Morphling?”_

_“Yeah… it’s quite abundant in District 6.” She replied, poking at her food._

_“I’m sure it would be in District 12 too if we had enough food to eat.” The silence was heavy for a few moments. “I’m Lucy.”_

_“Mina."_

* * *

 

 

Lucy’s head spun, as the woman pushed her against the wall of her apartment. Her lips found Lucy’s neck and then her lips, and her hands gripped Lucy’s waist against her own. Lucy took off the woman’s cardigan, which was already half off anyway, and discarded it. The woman expertly unzipped Lucy’s dress and soon it joined the cardigan on the floor. Lucy’s senses exploded as she felt hands grip her bare skin. Her stomach, her hips and moaned as she felt nails dig into her back painfully. Lucy’s hands reached for the other woman’s pants, frantically unzipping it. Soon they both were in nothing but their underwear, the woman stopped and took in what was in front of her.

Her dark eyes scanned Lucy’s body hungrily and although causing deep arousal, it also caused a twinge of fear to pass through Lucy. She suddenly felt like prey, and she loathed that not every part of her hated that feeling right now. Maybe fear was becoming her new normal. Maybe that’s what was familiar now. Either way, Lucy let the woman push her against the wall, and bruise her lips once more.

She was dizzy. The alcohol in her system wasn’t as strong as it had been earlier that evening, which was both a blessing and a curse. It made her more acute to her senses. She could feel the sweet taste of mint of the woman’s tongue against hers, she could feel the soft lace of her bra brush against her own breasts, and she could smell the expensive perfume she was wearing, but having a clear mind also made memories harder to avoid.

“Bed.” Lucy breathed into the woman’s mouth. She cringed at her own voice, and how weak it sounded but at this point she didn’t fully care. The woman happily obliged. She grabbed Lucy by the hand and led her to her lavish room and pushed her forcefully onto the king sized bed.

 

* * *

 

_When Lucy answered the door in the middle of the night, she wasn’t expecting the person on the other side to be Mina. She certainly wasn’t expecting Mina to push herself into the room, close the door behind her and pull her into a kiss._

_Lucy’s stomach fluttered at the feeling of lips against her own. She closed her eyes, and tentatively held the other girl’s waist. Her knees weakened at the feeling of Mina’s tongue in her mouth. She hadn’t kissed anyone since she was 13, and it felt so different it was like it was new again._

_“Stop.” Lucy said, pulling away from the kiss. Before she did, she knew what she was going to say when she broke the kiss, but the sight of Mina so vulnerable made her forget again._

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t- I thought that. Oh my god please don’t tell anyone. I’ll do anything-“ Mina stammered, her eyes tearing up._

_“Mina it’s ok. I’m not telling anyone.” Lucy took the other girl’s hands in hers, knowing all the self-loathing going through Mina’s head firsthand._

_“Please tell me you feel it too.” Mina said. She couldn’t meet Lucy’s eyes._

_“I do.” Lucy pushed a strand of strawberry blonde behind the other girl’s ear, causing her to look up at Lucy again. “But we can’t.”_

_“Why not? Because they would kill us? Shun us? They’re already doing that. They already do that every day.”_

_“Because… Only one of us is going home.” Lucy said. Mina was silent. “It’s not smart to get attached. We haven’t even known each other for that long.”_

_“I don’t care. If I die tomorrow I want to die knowing that what I feel isn’t wrong. I don’t know you. I don’t know what your life is like. I don’t know what your favorite color is. But I do know that we are stuck together in this awful fucking blood pageant where lying is the only way out, and you’re the realest thing I can cling to right now. I refuse to keep living a lie.” Mina’s green eyes stared piercingly into her own blue ones. Lucy stared at them intently, both mesmerized and scared._

_She had noticed every glance and every touch these past few weeks. They had not strayed from each other’s side once. The connection she felt to this girl was unbelievable and if she let this happen the damage would be unrepairable. This girl was a risk to her survival and the smartest thing she could do was kick her out of the room and find another alliance. But staring into her eyes at that moment, Lucy knew that if she did that, she would be lying to herself, and to Mina. It presented her with a choice: lie to survive or live the truth, even if she ended up dying for it._

_“Kiss me.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Lucy woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. For a moment she didn’t remember where she was and nearly jumped out of her own skin when she noticed she was naked. The soft groan of the woman beside her, however, brought her back to reality.

Lucy didn’t even know the woman’s name, she realized. And in turn, Lucy didn’t think she ever mentioned her own.

As silently as she could, Lucy retrieved her discarded clothing around the room. She took one last glance at the woman before leaving. She looked peaceful and content, and still beautiful. She had been pleasant and charming through the evening, and Lucy might have thought to stay until morning but she didn’t. She never did.

“I never got your name, you know?” The woman said, her voice raspy from sleep, just as Lucy was about to leave. She turned around.

“… Lucy.”

“Winner of the 39th Hunger Games?” Lucy cringed, but wasn’t surprised.

“Yes.”

“Huh, I wonder what the President would think of it: Lucy Kent, victor and queer. Nice wig, by the way.” The woman said with a certain tone of victory.

“He already knows.” Lucy answered.

“Can’t say I’m surprised. I won’t tell anyone else.” She offered sympathetically. “The name’s Samira but my friends call me Sam.”

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Sam.”

“You too, Lucy. I’ll see you around.” Sam stated, rather than asked. Lucy allowed herself a small smile, nodded, and stepped out the door.  

 

* * *

 

 

_“Hello.” Lucy stepped into the room hesitantly past the two guards who stood stoically at the door. “What a surprise, President Snow. I hope you’ve found everything to your liking.”_

_“Very quaint, I will say, although could be very lonesome here all by yourself.” The young president was standing up, brushing his fingers across the bookshelf. He stopped, looked at her and rubbed his fingers to clean away the dust. “Tell me, how many girls have you fucked here so far?”_

_Lucy’s heart rate jumped and she could feel her face turning pink beneath her pale skin. Her palms were already sweating before she walked through the door and now she could really feel them._

_“-I don’t know what you mean, s-“_

_“Do you not really? Let’s refresh her memory then. Gentlemen?” The guards turned on the video on the already set up projector. “Have a seat, Ms. Kent.”_

_Lucy did as she was told, and looked at the screen. She cursed in her head. It was the room she stayed in during her Hunger Games. It was her and Mina kissing, taking off each other’s clothes... You could hear every word and every quiet moan. You could see everything from the camera suspended on the ceiling._

_The guards looked at it, the President looked at it. Lucy pretended to look at it, her eyes glazed over, blurry with tears, the feeling of longing, shame, and violation swarming together all at once in her head and in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to scream._

_President Snow paused the video, then took a piece of paper from his pocket, and began reading it out loud:_

_“Grieve. I know it’s what I need but I just don’t know how… let’s see: We’re still too young, this is too much But I still know that there must have been something that I could have done.” He looked up at the girl in front of him. He continued. “A bit grim, don’t you think? Let’s see another one…”_

_“I paced around for hours on empty, I jumped at the slightest of sounds… And all the kids cried out ‘please stop you’re scaring me’. I can’t help this awful energy. Goddamn right you should be scared of me. Who is in control?” He chuckled but his eyes held a sharp danger that chilled her to the bone. The next verse he recited was spit out with poorly concealed, very vivid anger. “I’m well acquainted with villains that live in my head. They beg me to write them so they’ll never die when I’m dead”_

_The air was thick. Lucy was afraid to even breathe too hard._

_“The Capitol seems to be in love with these clever lyrics. Sadly, their true meaning really only serves to show the pathetic delusions of grandeur of a powerless little girl. Remember, my dear, the only reason you have power is because of me. Don’t ever forget that again.” He was at a safe distance to her, but it seemed like his voice was looming all around her. “I hope you said your goodbyes because your production team will not be returning to work, or anywhere else for that matter. From now on your new team will be assigned by me.”_

_He stood up from the chair, making Lucy flinch slightly. He clicked the play button on the remote once more and threw it on her lap on the way out._

_“Consider it a gift. Maybe this way you want be quite as lonely.”_

* * *

 

 

The train ride back to District 12, at least the some of it that she could actually remember, was uneventful. Besides Fulvia screaming at her to stop drinking, not much could be said for it.

But Fulvia could go fuck herself. Lucy never did well on trains, anyway. Luckily Capitol technology helped the ride be almost completely silent besides a few bumps here in there, but even so, by the end of the trip Lucy was just glad to pass out on her own bed.

The next day she drank ginger ale and made her way through town. Sometimes people would stare. Sometimes they would point and whisper, thinking she wouldn’t notice. Today, most of the town was indoors, as the Hunger Games was still taking place. The Peacekeepers were supposed to send everyone who wasn’t watching back inside but they knew who she was and usually didn’t bother her.

Lucy walked through the Seam, the market place, the plaza… Everything seemed still and quiet. Although it was peaceful, it wasn’t enough to rest her mind. She fidgeted, getting up from the park bench and continuing her walk, this time to her old childhood home.

“Lucy!” Rory greeted her at the door with a long hug and ruffled her short hair. “It’s so good to have you home again, kiddo. Come on in. I’m sure Paul and the children will be happy to see you.”

The children were all gathered around in the main living room area, watching the games. They had mattresses and pillows set up everywhere. It wasn’t something they enjoyed doing but the risk of them getting caught not watching it was too high, and they couldn’t leave the children on their own, even if it meant making them watch other children be killed on live broadcasting.

“Lucy!” One of the children shouted, running towards her. Soon, all the children followed, causing Lucy to smile as she almost got tackled onto the ground.

“Hey everybody! I missed you.” She did her best to hug them all and listen to the children’s updates on their lives while she was gone. Tabitha lost her first baby tooth, Samwell broke his arm, and Robin sang at a recital at her school. It was a lot of information to take in but Lucy love it nonetheless.

“Come on, children, settle down. Let her breathe.” Paul said from behind the swarm. He held her face in his big hands and smiled. “Every time I look at you I can’t believe how much you’ve grown.”

He hugged her warmly. The earthy smell of his old coat made her whole body relax, even if only for a brief moment. “It’s good to have you back. How was the Capitol?”

“Dreadful, as usual.”

“As I thought. Make yourself at home, I’m taking the kids back into the living room now.”

“But I want to talk to Auntie Lucy!” Tabitha protested, followed by the agreement of the other children.

“You’ll have plenty of time to talk to her during dinner, alright? Let’s go now.”

Paul steered the kids back to watch the games. Lucy went into the kitchen and helped Rory and Enton, the oldest child of the house, prepare dinner. She zoned out the sounds coming from the living room TV and focused instead on the soft humming being emitted from Rory’s throat, the sizzling of food on the fire and the steady rhythm of her knife as it sliced the vegetables and hit the wood underneath. It brought a smile to Lucy’s face. The children always had enough to eat nowadays, and although she lost so much of herself, she was glad some good could come of it.

After the children went to bed, Lucy stayed with Paul and Rory and played cards. They talked about their daily lives and told Lucy to come by more often. They said that every time she visited.

But she couldn’t risk it. She couldn’t risk someone finding out about them. Lucy didn’t even know why or how or if the Capitol would care about two random men in the middle of the most insignificant District running an orphanage as long as they didn’t cause and upstart. Lucy didn’t know but she was scared. Maybe it was the uncertainty that made her anxious but either way. She didn’t want them receiving any sort of special attention because of her.

She kissed them goodbye and returned to her home in the Victor’s Village. She remembered passing by it at night before she was in the games, and being afraid of it as a child. It was dark, gloomy and abandoned. Even though she lived there now, it still felt abandoned and much too big. The wind whistled through the leaves and moved the branches. The other children used to say that the spirits of all the dead tributes haunted the Village but Lucy wasn’t scared of spirits anymore.

 

* * *

 

_“Do you really think this is a good idea?” Lucy asked as Mina opened the train’s control panel._

_“We could get around so much faster with this thing.” Mina responded._

_“But why would we need to? We can just set up camp somewhere and stay for a while.”_

_“We can’t stay still forever. It’s already the 11th day of the games but you know people get bored quick and you know what that means.” Mina fidgeted with the cables. “Damn. Cable’s fried. Do you have wire in that backpack?”_

_“Yeah.” Lucy opened the bag and handed the wire to her._

_“Thanks.” Mina said, and began working._

_Lucy took the climbing axe that lay at Mina’s side and stood watch by the train’s door. Something wasn’t right, Lucy could feel it. 10 minutes passed, then 20, and still nothing._

_“Mina, come on. We should get out of here.”_

_“I think I almost got it!”_

_“You said that 10 minutes ago. And you said it yourself, people get bored.” Lucy reasoned. Mina let out a sigh of defeat._

_“Alright.” Mina took the wire and put it back in the pack before putting it over her shoulders. “Where too? There’s no going back the way we came.”_

_“Yeah…” The wall they climbed had nearly sent them down with it. It was much too unstable. “I don’t know.”_

_“I have an idea. How about we walk on the tracks?” Mina suggested._

_“I don’t know, it seems old and unsafe.” Lucy looked at the moss and grime on the track. The wood supporting it looked moldy._

_“Everything is unsafe, Luce and it doesn’t look like there’s another way out.”_

_“Alright.” Lucy agreed. Although she felt uneasy, Mina was right._

_They began their tread on the tracks. The tunnels smelled old and felt claustrophobic but they could already see the light at the end of it. The tracks ran right through the mountain and across a river into the valley on the other side. The morning air was cold as it hit their cheeks but the view was quite a sight._

_“It’s beautiful.” Lucy said. “Kind of makes you forget where you are for a moment doesn’t it?”_

_You could see the military base in the mountains, covered in snow. On the hills leading up to it, the suspended hillside village with odd rooftops and crumbling statues. The river below them just a bit further out raged and dropped to the ocean side, where old cargo ships were stranded. Nearby you could see the shanty town, which reminded Lucy of the Seam. All around were tall evergreen trees and you could feel the cold humidity in the air. Vapor left their mouths as they spoke._

_“Yeah.” Mina stopped, and Lucy followed suit. They stood side by side for a moment taking it all in. Lucy took Mina’s hand in hers and interlaced their fingers. Mina smiled at her, and Lucy smiled back. They resumed walking, hand in hand._

_The tracks beneath them began to shake. Mina’s eyes widened as she recognized the sound of what was approaching. And just like that, their moment of peace was gone._

_“Run.”_

_They sprinted. They hadn’t even crossed half of the bridge. They both realized that they would never make it in time. As she ran, Lucy scanned her surroundings. It was much too dangerous to climb down the thin wooden poles, as they were covered with a thin sheen of ice and was warped and week with the passing of time. Ahead was the river below them. Lucy turned her head. Mina was falling behind next to her with the weight of the backpack._

_“We can jump into the river!” Lucy shouted._

_“What? That would kill us!” Mina’s voice was strained. “I have a better idea!”_

_“What?” Lucy yelled above the noise. Mina was falling further behind and the train sped into the light, out of the tunnel. Mina dropped the bag on the ground and sprinted faster to catch up so Lucy could hear her. She kept yelling but Lucy couldn’t make it out. The train was getting closer and closer by the second._

_“Lucy!” Mina screamed, but it was too late. Lucy jumped into the air and straight down to the river._

_Lucy screamed involuntarily as she fell, but her voice got stuck in her throat creating an unpleasant and terrifying lump. Pain shot up into every part of her body as she hit the water. Underneath, she struggled to find the surface, feeling water fill her lungs, burning her nose._

_Lucy gasped and coughed at the surface. The rapids kept pulling her under and she felt completely disoriented. Mina was nowhere to be seen. Before she knew it, Lucy was falling again. It was a smaller drop this time but she still felt the wind being knocked out of her again. There was ringing in her ears. Lucy had swallowed too much water. Keeping her head above water was an almost impossible task. The rapids became quicker and Lucy was powerless against them. She felt something hard and sharp hit her head and then the world went black._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rsD4orsMFw Tomorrow Will be Kinder, the song Lucy sings in this chapter

Lucy’s hands stroked the keyboard. It had been months since she last touched her piano. She was too afraid to play the songs she knew and even more afraid to write new ones. But time went on, and music was one of the very few things that could comfort her.

Her mother had a piano. It was old and out of tune but big and beautiful, at least in Lucy’s feeble 3 year old memory. It was a relic that her grandfather had collected after the Rebellion, and had stayed in their family ever since. In the few, hazy memories she had of her mother, the most distinct one was the sound the piano made as her fingers danced from key to key. Who knows where it was now. Probably sold or destroyed.

Lucy played a soft tune. She had finally learned how to play, being exposed to lessons and books on the subject. She took to it like a fish in water, and in five years she could confidently say she could play and read music decently well. When she first began, she would play until she got a headache. Hours on end reading and researching. It kept her mind busy, and gave her a purpose.

The Capitol made it into her profession after her games. And although she hated the stupid songs she was assigned to sing, she knew it was better than the outcomes of many other Victors. But her relevancy to the Capitol being so big made her have to be there and give interviews often. She was seriously considering throwing in the towel and canceling the album, but that wasn’t up to her. Many times she thought about showing up at her own show so drunk no one in their right mind would pay money to see her. That way she can live the rest of her life in peace. But Lucy knew it wasn’t an option.

Maybe she could be such a failure that no one would care about her anymore. Not even the president. Maybe she could fake her death and live in the woods outside town. Maybe she could pretend she was crazy. It wouldn’t be that difficult considering she already felt crazy most of the time anyway. The options were endless but none of them would work. She was trapped every way she decided to go. For the rest of her life, she would always be trapped.  


* * *

 

 

_The second day of the games had ended in 3 deaths, which made a total of 10 deaths so far._

_“Nearly half of us are gone.” Mina said in between shivers._

_“I know.” Lucy shook her head. “Usually deaths are further in between from here on out though. I think this arena is pretty big.”_

_“Yeah.” Mina huddled closer to Lucy, her resting against the crook of the other girl’s neck. They had walked up the hills until they came about a strange looking village which was suspended along the hillsides. They had managed to climb to a relatively safe spot by the time it started pouring rain. Now they lay on the hard ground of a cottage with only one back pack as a pillow. Mina was sprawled all over Lucy, and their position could come across as much too intimate but it passed off as an excuse to seek warmth in the harsh weather, which wasn’t entirely untrue._

_“I wish we could make a fire.” Lucy mumbled._

_“I know. I guess body heat will have to do.” Mina responded with a grin in her voice. She looked up at Lucy and they shared a knowing glance. She rested her head against Lucy’s chest again and sighed silently, a puff of vapor escaping her nose. “Tell me about your District.”_

_“Well, it’s pretty small. It doesn’t take much for word to get around about anything. I was going to get a job at the coal mining factory after I turned 18, you know, the usual. Hopefully I could work my way up to a higher position or get a second job so I could help out in keeping the orphanage.”_

_“Coal miner huh? Not a lot of job options in District 12?”_

_“Not really. Unless your family lives close to the center and owns a business like a bakery or a butcher shop.” There were also illegal vendors and traders, and hunters who went into the woods through the electric fence no one bothered to turn on but Lucy wasn’t about to say that on live television._

_“If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?” Mina asked. Lucy thought for a moment. No one had ever really asked her something like that before._

_“A musician. Maybe a singer.”_

_“Really? You should sing something for me.”_

_“Oh Mina come on, I can’t. Besides we have to keep quiet.”_

_“Please? You can do it really softly into my ear.” Mina looked up at her, smiling playfully. Lucy rolled her eyes but smiled back._

_“_ _Alright.” Lucy took in a breath._

_“Black clouds are behind me_  
_I now can see ahead_  
_Often i wonder why i try_  
_Hoping for an end_

_Sorrow weighs my shoulders down_  
_And trouble haunts my mind_  
_But i know the present will not last_  
_And tomorrow will be kinder_

_Tomorrow will be kinder_  
_It's true i've seen it before_  
_A brighter day is comin' my way_  
_Yes tomorrow will be kinder_

_Today i've cried a many tear_  
_And pain is in my heart_  
_Around me lies a somber scene_  
_I don't know where to start_

_But i feel warmth on my skin_  
_The stars have all aligned_  
_The wind has blown but now i know_  
_That tomorrow will be kinder_

_Tomorrow will be kinder_  
_I know i've seen it before_  
_A brighter day is coming my way_  
_Yes tomorrow will be kinder_

_A brighter day is coming my way_  
_Yes tomorrow will be kinder”_

_“I like it. It’s hopeful.” Mina sighed onto her neck. “You have a pretty voice.”_

_“Thank you.” Lucy smiled. “So what’s your District like?”_

_“It’s grey and big. There’s apartment buildings and lots of factories and cars and motorcycles. There’s always a sheen of smoke wherever you go. The schools have 30 to a classroom minimum. There are Peacekeepers everywhere and they won’t hesitate to put you down if you do anything suspicious.” Mina was being much too truthful about the state of her home, but Mina didn’t seem to care. Her fearlessness made Lucy like her all the more._

_“Do you guys build trains and stuff?”_

_“Trains, cars, motorcycles, hovercrafts. Basically anything that moves.”_

_“Wow. I never knew you guys did all that.”_

_“Yeah, that’s why our District is so big. It’s the biggest one, I think. ”_

_They stayed there in silence, the warmth they provided to each other wasn’t much but enough for them to survive the night. Lucy enjoyed the closeness that Mina provided, and she felt very safe, somehow. Being just the beginning of the games, Lucy hoped that the gamemakers would let them sleep through the night and go pick on somebody else. As for the other tributes, they were pretty well hidden inside the cottage and Mina was a light sleeper. Lucy knew it was foolish but her gut told her that Mina could be trusted._

_“Yellow.” Lucy whispered._

_“What?” Mina chuckled slightly, her voice drowsy._

_“You said you didn’t know what my favorite color was. It’s yellow.” Lucy completed. Mina smiled and looked up._

_“Pink.” Mina kissed her cheek and re-positioned herself against Lucy. “Goodnight.”_

_“Goodnight.”_

 

* * *

 

A knock on the door made her turn her attention away from the keyboard. Lucy reached for the doorknob with a sweaty palm. She rested it there for a moment and took a deep breath, reminding herself she wasn’t in any immediate danger. She creeked the door open slightly to see who it was.

“Hey.” It was Mason. His beard had gotten even thicker since the last time she had seen him. It suited him, even though it was still odd to see him grown. He rarely visited the orphanage after he turned 18, and completely stopped after he had the twins. Lucy supposed it was odd for him to see her too. She used to be as tall as his chest and now they stood at the same eye level.

“Hey.” Lucy noticed she had been starting. “Sorry. Come in.”

“Thanks.” She locked the door behind him. “I brought some duck. Thought we could prepare something for dinner. If you don’t mind.”

“I thought you gave up hunting.” Lucy said. He frowned.

“It’s hard to keep a family fed, especially with children who are growing… I don’t want them to feel the need to sign up for tesserae.”

“Then why not give the duck to them? I have plenty of food. ” Lucy said. She had offered to provide them food countless times. She had enough money to feed all of them. He would always refuse.

“I got extra game today okay?” He sighed heavily. “And you’re family too. Let me be nice to you.”

“Okay.” Lucy looked at her own feet and sat down at her piano stool again. Mason propped the duck on a big wooden slab and began gutting it.

“You can help if you want.” Mason offered. He meant well. Lucy loved helping in the kitchen when she was a child during the rare times they had fresh food.

“No thanks.” She replied, and continued playing with the keys.

Thirty minutes had passed, Mason had already cut up the duck and was now seasoning it. It was almost ready to go into the oven when Lucy emerged from the living room and sat down on one of the kitchen island stools.

“You’ve gotten really good at playing that piano.” He said. “I remember when you could barely keep a tune.”

“Thanks. I have a lot of time on my hands.” Lucy fiddled with her hands. “How are the kids?”

“They’re doing great. Maysie and Maggie turn 9 in two months.”

“Wow. They grow fast.”

“You’re telling me.” He chuckled.

“You can… you can have her celebration here if you want. The house is big so they can invite some of their friends from school and I can buy food for everyone…” Lucy said. Mason looked at her, hesitant.

“I don’t know, Luce. Haley doesn’t-… I would have to ask her.” He covered the duck with aluminum foil.

“She doesn’t like me, I know.” Lucy said. “Not that I blame her, I don’t exactly light up the room.”

“No, no, no it’s not that.” He sighed. “It’s just… Maggie is still uneasy of you. I mean- she’s not afraid. We tried to cover her eyes when you… She was really young and impressionable when your games happened so I don’t-.”

“I understand.” Lucy cut of his stammering and swallowed the lump in her throat. He never had been very tactful, even though he meant well. She didn’t even know why she asked. It was the same reason why they didn’t want to live with her. That, and Mason felt the need to do everything himself.

“I’m sorry.” Mason looked like a kicked puppy, and Lucy couldn’t help but resent him, only if a little bit.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Her voice was monotone. “How long does the duck take to cook?”

 

* * *

 

_“Garreth. Slow down.” Lucy said, out of breath. They had been climbing rocks trying to reach the top of the cliff at the end of the beach. On the cliff side, a military watch was built. Garreth thought there could be supplies in there, and it was a good place to seek shelter for some time because the beach was much too open._

_“We’re almost there.” It hadn’t been a narrow climb until now but it was wearing Lucy out. Her head hurt, she kept losing her balance, and her vision was still blurry._

_They stopped. There were no more easy rocks to climb but instead only a wall. The entrance to the base was so close but not close enough for them to reach._

_“Shit.” Garreth muttered. “We can’t climb that.”_

_“… I can.” Lucy unhooked the climbing axe from her leg. “Do you have rope?”_

_Garreth opened the zipper of his small bag and handed her thick rope. It looked sturdy enough to carry his body weight. She clicked the rope’s latch on her belt and looked down. They were pretty far up. If she fell she would be seriously injured in the best case scenario._

_“Are you sure there are supplies up there?”_

_“There were some supplies in the last bunker I found.” He answered. Lucy nodded._

_“Good enough. I’ll throw down the rope once I’m up there.”_

_“Hey.” Garreth grabbed her shoulder before she started her ascent. “Good luck.”_

 

* * *

 

“Hey.” Garreth’s voice called out, making Lucy’s head fly up. “Where are you, kid?”

Lucy stared at the man in front of her across the dining table. It was just Mason.

“I’m here.” She didn’t know if she said that more to herself or to Mason. “I’m sorry. I don’t really have much to talk about.”

“It’s alright. I can do the talking. You always were a great listener.” He said with a smile. Lucy smiled back, faintly.

“I saw some Mockingjays the other day.”

“Mockingjays? I though they were a children’s tale.”

“Yeah me too. I was whistling on my way back home and they whistled back.” He took a sip of his juice. “You would have loved them… You should come with me someday.”

Lucy swallowed the duck that was in her mouth. Evergreens and wild animals didn’t sound like a good idea to her. Not to mention that they would most likely be killed if they got caught. Maybe it was paranoid of her but the whole thing screamed no. Mockingjays would have to wait.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Luce, you need to get out more. You can’t stay cooped up in here all the time.”

“Yes I can.” She said. “And besides, it’s not like I’m always here. I’m at the Capitol for months at a time sometimes.”

“You hate the Capitol.” He retorted. Lucy just took another bite of her duck. He furrowed his brows and grunted faintly in the back of his throat. From Lucy’s experience that usually meant he was going to reprimand her. “See that’s what I’m talking about. You’re here but… you’re never _here._ ”

“You weren’t there for a long time. When I needed you most you were never there.” Lucy’s grip on her fork tightened.

“That’s not fair.” His voice was grave. Lucy shook her head. He had said he was sorry for the time he was gone a long time ago and Lucy had forgiven him. She thought things would get better between them but they never really did and it mostly wasn’t his fault.

“I’m sorry.” She sighed heavily. Lucy hated being so angry at him all the time but sometimes she couldn’t control it.

“I just want my sister back.” His voice was barely audible.  

“I’m trying.”

 

* * *

 

_“Okay so you put your foot there- make sure you have a good grip- and then use your hands- yeah! You got it.” Mason applauded his little sister’s efforts._

_“I think I got it!” Lucy slowly but surely started making her way up to the roof with the pipe on the side of the house. Her glee was short lived however, when she looked at her brother below her. “Mason? It’s pretty high up here.”_

_“It’s alright, Luce. I’ll catch you if you fall.” His voice was unwavering. “And besides, someone else has gotta learn how to fix the roof after I’m gone right?”_

_She struggled for a bit, wiping her sweaty palms against her pants but eventually she climbed safely to the roof of the orphanage._

_“I did it! I did it!” She shouted._

_“Good job! See I knew you could do it! I’ll be right up.”_

_They sat on top of the roof for a while just taking in the view. You could see most of their neighborhood from there, as well as the Seam, some of the mine entrances and the forests and hills beyond their district. It all felt so big to 7 year old Lucy, like the world could be hers from up there._

_“You know, I’ll confess, I think you’re an even better climber than I am.”_

_“I know I’m a better climber than you are.” She giggled._

_“Ok no need to get cocky now.” He said, poking her side. Lucy squealed and swatted his fingers. They settled into a peaceful quiet. Mason was supposed to be fixing the leak in the roof but he figured that could wait._

_“Hey, Mason.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“What were Mom and Dad like?” Lucy asked. The question caught him off guard but he answered it anyway._

_“Dad was tall and had a pinchy beard. Mom was gentle but energetic. She always had a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. She made Dad laugh, even though he was really serious. Their names where Conner and Megan.”_

_“Conner and Megan…” Lucy repeated “What did they look like?”_

_“Dad had black hair, blue eyes and olive skin. Mom had brown hair, grey eyes, and pale skin. She also had a lot of freckles.”_

_“I have freckles!” Lucy exclaimed with a smile. Mason chuckled._

_“Yes you do. She had a lot more though.”_

_“Do I look like her?”_

_“You look more like Dad, actually.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah, you even have some of his beard right here.” He tickled underneath her chin. She squealed with laughter._

_“I do not!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Feedback is always appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence is a bit more graphic in this chapter so tread with caution.

It was raining in the Capitol that night. Lucy looked up at the apartment building where she stood in front. People walked past her with their umbrellas eyeing her strangely. Lucy let the water pour on her, soaking her to her bones. She couldn’t believe she still remembered the address after 7 months. Sure, Sam had written it down on a piece of paper but Lucy had long since lost it. She hoped there were no paparazzi around. She walked up the steps and rang the buzzer. It didn’t answer, so she rang again. She rang for the third time and was about to turn around give up when a voice answered back through the intercom.

_ “Hello?”  _

“Hey. It’s me… Lucy.” 

_ “Kent?”  _

“Yeah.” 

_ “Um… wow. Ok, not quite what I was expecting on a Thursday night but ok.” _

“Sorry. I didn’t exactly know your number.” 

“ _ Right.” _ There was an awkward pause. 

“I’m sorry is this a bad time?” Lucy asked. She didn’t really think this through.

_ “Oh no it’s fine. I was kind of hoping for some company tonight anyway.”  _ She said.  _ “Shit, are you out in the rain?”  _

“Yeah.” 

_ “Why didn’t you say anything? Let me open it up for you.”  _

“Thanks.” 

The lock on the door buzzed open and Lucy made her way inside the foyer. She took the stairs until she was in the hallway. She didn’t really remember which door it was though. Luckily Sam opened the door on her right. 

Sam was only in a towel, her hair and shoulders glistening with water, and she had no makeup on. Lucy could hear the shower still running from inside the house. Surprised, Lucy noticed she was much shorter without heels on, and that her eye level was at Lucy’s nose. She was just as beautiful as Lucy remembered her to be

“Well, don’t just stand there. Come in.” Sam teased her, but not in a mean way. Lucy did as she was told and the other woman shut the door behind her. “So what brings you here?” 

“I don’t really know.” Lucy looked around. Things hadn’t changed that much since the last time she was here. Everything seemed to be in its place except for a couple of unwashed dishes and discarded jackets and purses. Very pristine and well decorated with artworks and plants. “I just performed my last show for the album.”

“So I heard. Congratulations.”

“I guess I wanted to see a familiar face.” Lucy blurted. She could see Sam smirk, but the woman’s tone remained nonchalant. 

“I would hardly call a one night stand from a few months ago a familiar face.”

“I don’t have many friends here in the Capitol.” Lucy responded. Sam’s face was still flirty, but also understanding. 

“I see. Glad to know I’m your  _ friend. _ Is that what you call all your other girlfriends?” Sam was still teasing. It was in her nature and Lucy rather enjoyed it if she was being honest with herself, but that comment made her cringe. 

“If I have too.”

“I’m joking, kid. You know, you were a lot less serious last time we saw each other.”

“I was also drunk.”

“Good point.” Sam unwrapped the towel around her and threw it to Lucy, who caught it. “I know you’re used to being wet around me but don’t get rain all over my couch. I’ll be right back. 

Sam strutted out of the living room and back inside her room to finish her shower. Lucy gave a bewildered scoff before taking off her wet coat and shoes and began drying herself with the towel.

 

* * *

 

 

_ District 6 was much like Mina had described it to be. Grey, big and surrounded with a perpetual sheen of smoke, yet the size of the buildings and the enormity of the crowd in front of her still took her off guard. She could already feel her palms sweating and beginning to tremble. The other Districts so far had been bearable but this one she had been dreading since the day she won. _

_ Lucy looked down at the paper Fulvia had written on. It was a perfect speech. Precise, quick, detached. Fulvia had probably studied a lot for the purpose of writing things like this.  _

_ Across the crowd, on the platform to her right. Three people stared at her with solemn faces. A woman with green eyes and a man with strawberry blonde hair. In between, a freckled little boy looking to be no older than 6 years old.  _

_ Fulvia had told her to control her emotions. But she couldn’t. She already could feel herself starting to tear up. She tried to regain focus on the written speech in front of her but she couldn’t. _

_ “Say something.” Fulvia whispered next to her in between her teeth.  _

_ “I- I didn’t know much about Randy. I never really had a chance to talk to him during or before the Games.” She read. “But I know he participated with tremendous courage, and I know his family and his friends are proud of him and together I share with you the sorrows of your losses so we can reap the rewards of our victories together as a nation.”  _

_ This was disgusting, was all Lucy could think. His family sobbed at her words. He died in the bloodbath. _

_ “And Mina…” She looked at the paper and shook her head. She looked up to her right, her speech forgotten. “I don’t think I could have met a sweeter, more energetic, brilliant girl than her. She was with me until the very end, and she saved me countless times in more ways than one. Even though we didn’t know each other for that long, I know we-... She was a great-… a great friend and I wish more than anything that I could have met her in any other circumstance. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’re going through right now but just know that if I could choose, she would be the one standing here today, not me. I don’t deserve to- I’m so… I’m so sorry.” _

_ “That’s quite enough.” Fulvia growled in her ear as she pulled her away from the microphone and into the Capitol building. “You are going to get me fired.” _

_ Through the window, Lucy saw Peacekeepers pushing the crowd to disperse. She saw Mina’s mother holding her husband and son as they cried before Peacekeepers pushed them off the platform as well.  _

 

* * *

 

Sam, it turns out, ends up being decent company. It’s the 9th time Lucy has stopped by in the past week and a half and she finds herself enjoying just listening to the woman complain about her job and watch mindless reality gossip about other celebrities, a good third of whom Lucy knew personally, for better or for worse. Sam doesn’t ask her many questions, and for that, she’s thankful. It’s good to just listen sometimes. 

“And then she says:  _ ‘Can you grab me a coffee?’ _ Just like that. In front of everyone. Can you believe that?” Sam was fuming, a bit hard to take seriously, considering the spatula waving frantically in her hand as she spoke. “I mean, just because I’m her daughter doesn’t mean she gets the green card to treat me like that.” 

“Are you the only one she does that to?” Lucy asks. 

“Pretty much.” 

“Really? Because last week you were laughing at how she harassed poor Petunia’s fashion choices.” Lucy takes a sip of her tea to hide the smirk forming in her lips as Sam looked at her in disbelief. 

“Wh- It’s not the same!” Sam frowned. “Besides, it was a really ugly shade of orange. Who even likes orange anyway?” 

“I’m just saying, your mom is a big figure. Maybe she doesn’t want it to seem like she’s playing favorites just because you’re her daughter.” Lucy licks her lips before taking another small sip. She doesn’t miss the way Sam’s eyes trace the motion of her tongue. “And from what you’ve told me about your mother, it doesn’t seem too out of character. You shouldn’t take it so personally.”

“Oh no, it’s definitely not out of character.” Sam huffs. “It’s just… Ugh, she’s so infuriating.”

“Hey, at least you have a mother.” Lucy doesn’t say it accusingly. She’s long since come to terms with the absence of her parents, mostly because she barely remembers them at all. But like most Capitol dwellers, Sam has no idea just how much she takes for granted.

“Sometimes not having a parent is better than having a shitty one.” Sam’s weight shifts from foot to foot, and it’s the first time Lucy has seen her look even slightly awkward. It’s barely noticeable but it’s there. Something tells Lucy that she isn’t talking about her mother anymore.

“Gotta play with the cards we’ve been dealt, I guess.” Lucy takes the last sip of her tea. Sam’s eyes seem to be far away. “Your pancake is burning.”

“Shit.”

 

* * *

 

_ Garreth’s climb up the rope is painfully slow, at least from Lucy’s perspective. She tied the end of the rope to a hook nearby but she grips it cautiously just in case the rope doesn’t hold. Sure enough, the rope snaps suddenly and she is pulled to the edge with a yelp. If there hadn’t been a wall in between her and the cliffside, she would have toppled over along with Garreth. It took all the strength in her not to let go and she wrapped the rope around her hand for a better grip, feeling it squeeze and burn her hands.  _

_ “Hurry!” She gasped. “I can’t pull you up and I can’t hold you for much longer!” _

_ She could hear Garreth’s grunts of effort as he attempted to climb faster. Every jerk of movement made Lucy’s muscles ache, and her hands burn. Her feet were now completely braced against the wall, and her arms quivered but she refused to let go. Salty tears streamed down her cheeks and into her mouth. When Garreth finally vaulted over the ledge muscles gave out and her body fell limp to the floor. Her head throbbed painfully, and her vision became blurry. She heard Garreth’s voice say something but she couldn’t make out the words. Her stomach threatened to exit her body through her mouth.  _

_ There was a scuffle, and Garreth yelled out something intelligible. Another voice. Male. Somewhere in the back of her mind Lucy knew something was happening so she willed herself to wake up, or tried at least. She turned her head to see Garreth’s form fighting a much bigger form. Career, Lucy registered, her mind slowly coming back. She reached for her climbing axe and braced herself to get up. The career kicked Garreth in the stomach, making him skid and fall back against the floor. He caught glimpse of Lucy and she knew she was done for. She lifted her axe and braced herself but Garreth stabbed his leg with his harpoon, making him scream.  _

_ “-un!” Garreth yelled at her. “Run!” _

_ So Lucy ran through the bunker, hearing the yelling of the boys fighting, her head still spinning. But before she could get far, she came to her senses and made a heel turn. She couldn’t leave Garreth behind like that. He saved her life.  _

_ “Hey, asshole!” Lucy threw a fallen brick at the Career boy, which missed him by at least foot. However it was enough to distract him and Garreth took the opportunity to strike, but the Career reacted quickly and parried the harpoon with his sword. With two swift moves, Garreth’s throat was slit and he fell, gurgling, spasaming in his own blood until his whole body went limp. Just like that, he was gone.   _

_ Lucy stood there, paralyzed, watching the career smile and wipe the blood off his sword. He swung it around in a circle in his hand before looking up to her distraught face. This time, Lucy didn’t think twice before breaking into a sprint.  _

_ She could hear his heavy limping footsteps behind her as she ran through the bunker corridors, looking for a way out. Her head was still throbbing, and she feared that her legs would give out at any given moment. Her eyes caught a glimpse of light to her right and she followed it to a room.  _

_ The wall of the room was completely torn down. It wasn’t an escape. It was a dead end. Beyond the destroyed wall was a cliff, and this time there wasn’t any water to break at least some of her fall. She looked behind her, and there was the Career, spinning his sword. Lucy scanned her surroundings. The boy blocked the doorway and the cliff was much too steep to attempt at climbing.  _

_ Her vital signs were spiking irregularly on the right bottom corner of the screen to those watching the games at home. An exclamation point in a triangle followed by the bolded CONCUSSION blinked just above it. Her official Captiol calculated odds of survival based on training, background, and performance thus far, showed up on the left upper corner of the screen. In the very beginning her odds had been 14%, briefly raising up to 22%. Now it read 5% _

_ After this fight however, it would spike to 37%.  _

 

* * *

 

Sam didn’t really know what to make of their new routine. It was quite the unlikely relationship her and Lucy had built out of a random one night stand she didn’t think would lead anywhere. At first she thought the woman had showed up at her house that night for sex, which she didn’t mind at all, especially given the way their last time went, but they still hadn’t repeated the fact. It wasn’t for lack of flirting on either party, but she could sense the way Lucy would hesitate just as they were about to cross that line once more. So Sam decided she would let her make the first move. 

Truth is, even though Sam was disappointed that nothing physical had happened yet, she enjoyed Lucy’s company. Even though she could be quiet and never really wanted to go anywhere besides the small café down the block occasionally, she was still incredibly genuine, and that was a rare thing in the Capitol, especially amongst Sam’s line of work. 

Sam found herself forging a friendship with this girl. A real friendship. The only other real friend she could think of currently was a few here and there from her time at the university. But they were all busy now making a life for themselves and rarely had time to hang out like they used to. Easier times, Sam remembers. Questioning Capitol values and being rebellious was fun, but in the real world you had to conform if you wanted to survive, even though it irked her to no end. 

Sam sat on the loveseat, her sketchbook leaning on the arm and fresh coffee sitting on the small table beside her. She had an idea for a dress this morning and decided to put it on paper before it left her mind. However, after 3 failed attempts she gave into frustration. Drawing was still something she didn’t have full confidence in sometimes, even though she had been drawing since she was old enough to write. Maybe it was the perfectionist inside her or maybe today just wasn’t her day. Sometimes she wishes she had done Visual Arts in college instead of Fashion and Merchandising but her mother wouldn’t have stood for it. In any case, she set down her pencil and sketchbook and cradled the coffee mug in her hands, relishing in its warmth. 

Her eyes found Lucy, asleep in an awkward position on the couch, a tiny hint of drool coming from her ever so slightly open mouth. Lucy had a habit of sleeping halfway through movies whenever they turned off the lights, and Sam never really had the heart to wake her up. 

Before she could think about it too much, Sam picked up her drawing utensils and began tracing the soft lines of Lucy’s sleeping face. Her pale skin was a sharp contrast with the dark maroon of the couch she lay in, and the black of her hair seemed to almost blend with the black blanket Sam had put around her last night. Her brows, never fully resting, were in a slight frown but Sam noticed the bags under her eyes had become smaller recently.

 

* * *

 

_ Lucy gripped her climbing axe until her knuckles turned white. The Career never said anything, he just smiled like he was getting ready for his early morning workout. It made Lucy angry, more than it did fearful at that moment, and she glared at him, slowly making her way sideways so her back wasn’t facing the cliffside. They circled each other, and she waited for him to make the first move.  _

_ He struck rapidly, and Lucy dodged. His second blow came right after and hit Lucy in the side. She yelped in pain and clutched the shallow wound, already feeling the blood. He could have lunged again but he seemed to be reveling in the moment. Almost as if he was going easy on her to prolong her suffering. It made her sick to her stomach and increasingly angry. She let out a cry and swung her axe, which he parried with ease. She swung several times but no blow seemed to land. The 4 _ _ th _ _ time she swung he dodged, making her lose her balance. He took that opportunity to smack the hilt of his sword on the back of her head. Her head throbbed so much, it felt like it might explode. She began picking herself up but a kick to her stomach sent her rolling to her side.  _

_ She coughed and clutched her abdomen, gasping for air, tears prickling in her eyes. He kicked her again, and again, and again. Lucy lay there for a few seconds, unable to move out of sheer pain, her mind fighting to stay awake. If he had wanted to kill her by now he would have already. She wondered why he hadn’t yet.  _

_ He looked at her with sadistic curiosity. Maybe this was the reason why he seemed to be alone and not with the others in a bigger pack.  _

_ Lucy tried picking herself up again to resume the fight but he kicked her again, even harder this time. _

_ “Just won’t give up huh?” He said, yanking her head back by her hair and running it down on the concrete. And this is when his intentions became clear to her. He wanted to break her. Test her limits. See how much she could take, and when she finally gave up he was going to kill her.  _

_ So she slowed down. Took her time in trying to get back up. She would get to her knees only for him to punch her square on the cheek, sending her to the floor again. She lay still, eyes half open. _

_ “Well that’s disappointing.” He muttered, then raised his sword in the air, aiming for her head. When it came down she rolled to the side. The sword made a clanking sound as it hit the ground, and she kicked his knee –on his already wounded leg- and he screamed when it cracked and bended back unnaturally.  _

_ Lucy stumbled to her feet, using the wall as her support. She took a moment to catch her breath and spat out some blood that was accumulating in her mouth. When she spit a stray tooth went flying as well. She breathed hard trying to think through the pain. The Career clutched his leg screaming and looked at her with rage. He lifted his sword and lunged clumsily, and Lucy knocked it out of her way with her axe. In turn she struck with her weapon and he dodged. She swung again but he caught the handle in the air and yanked it out of hands, throwing it across the room.  _

_ “Really?” Lucy spit out more blood and laughed, leaning against the wall. “What, afraid you can’t take me if I have a weapon?”  _

_ The taunt worked even better than Lucy expected. The Career huffed through his nose, enraged, and all but threw his sword on the ground. She pushed herself off the wall and raised her fists. He advanced on her and she managed to hit the side of his face, though it didn’t even phase him. He grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and threw her on the ground.  _

_ He was on top of her now, his fist on her face, and then his hands on her neck, squeezing the life out of her. Lucy kicked and squirmed but when it was his sheer force against hers, she didn’t stand a chance. She looked to her left and found the discarded sword, just barely in her reach. She stretched and stretched, her lungs burning. Her hand curved around the coarse leather of the sword handle and with one swift swing, it connected to her assailant’s side. _

_ He screamed, and as soon as his hands loosened around her neck, Lucy gasped and kicked him in the stomach, rolling him over. She let out a visceral scream, and used both hands to bury the sword into his face. She swung at him, again and again,  and again feeling his blood splatter across her face. A cannon boomed in the distance and Lucy startled, dropping the sword with a clank.  _

_ Her hands covered her mouth as she looked at what she had done. What was once a face was a slimy pool of unrecognizable bloody pulp, oozing out of shredded meat. Lucy crawled away, horrified until she hit the wall, and emptied the few contents of her stomach. She wiped her mouth crying, and felt herself give in to shock and exhaustion. _

 

* * *

 

“Lucy! Hey!” 

Lucy woke with a sharp intake of breath. For a moment she didn’t know where she was. Then she looked at Sam, crouched down next to the couch, looking at her with concern. 

“Hey. You alright? You looked like you were having a bad dream.”

“Yeah.” Lucy breathed in, running a hand through her sweaty hair. “Um- thanks for waking me.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sam brushed it off. “Do you want some breakfast or something?” 

“No thanks I um- I actually. I think I’m going to go.” Lucy got up from the couch, rather abruptly. 

“Hey, wait-”

“I’ll be in touch okay?” Lucy said, her voice cracking just barely. She turned around, not making eye contact. 

“Lucy wait.” Sam grabbed her forearm before she could make a grab for her belongings. “Where are you gonna go?”

“Back to the hotel. I have a thing tomorrow.”

“What thing?” 

“Just- I have to go okay?” Lucy dislodged her arm from Sam’s grip and grabbed her purse from the hanger. She was heading towards the door but Sam pressed her body against it, blocking her. 

“Lucy please. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go out alone like this. I know you’re- ”

“What do you know, Sam?” Lucy didn’t raise her volume but her voice went steely and ice cold. It was a tone Sam had never heard come out of her mouth, not even during her games, from what she can remember from them. 

“You’re not the only one with trauma, you know?” Sam bit back. It was enough to make Lucy’s expression deflate. Sam softened. “The feeling of not being able to escape. To get transported back to that same moment every night? I get it.”

Lucy stared at her intensely. Sam swallowed and continued. 

“I know you think you’re broken and can’t be fixed but that’s not true, I promise. Time heals. I turned out pretty ok.” Sam tucked a strand of hair behind Lucy’s ear and held her face. Lucy closed her eyes at the touch, her eyebrows wrinkling. “It’s not your fault. None of it is. You did what you had to do to survive. You have to remember it’s not your fault. That’s what my therapist tells me at least.” Sam chuckled softly.

Lucy still had her eyes closed and breathed irregularly, running a hand through her hair. Sam pulled her in tight against her body, and instantly she felt Lucy collapse against her, quiet sobs making her body shake. They stayed there for a few minutes, until Lucy broke apart. 

“Go wash your face, kid.” Sam said, and Lucy went to the bathroom. When she came out, she sat down on the couch next to Sam. Lucy’s nose was bright pink and her eyes were terribly puffy. The tears had made her irises a striking shade of blue that was lighter than usual and Sam couldn’t believe that she still found the girl astoundingly pretty just after seeing snot come out of her nose. 

“I’m sorry-” She began

“Don’t apologize.” Sam cut her off quickly. Lucy was about to apologize again for being sorry but she stopped herself. 

“Thank you.” She said instead, closing her eyes and sighing. “I used to hate crying. When I was a kid I got teased for crying all the time. After the games I… I couldn’t anymore. Now when the tears finally come I feel relief. Although I’m kind of embarrassed you had to see me like that.” 

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Sam reassured. “Besides, your orgasm face is a lot more embarrassing.” Sam teased, and Lucy let out a cry of incredulous laughter even though her eyes were still teary. 

“Seriously, you should have seen it. I thought you were going to ex-” The rest of Sam’s sentence was lost against the pressure of Lucy’s lips. Sam’s eyes fluttered shut just as Lucy pulled away. Her eyes had that familiar intense look, and Sam knew she was about to apologize again so she grabbed Lucy’s face and pressed their lips together before she had the chance. Sam lifted her leg over Lucy’s lap and straddled her, pressing against the backrest of the couch, earning a sharp intake of breath from the girl beneath her. Lucy’s hands slipped under Sam’s shirt, grabbing at the skin of her waist and along her ribs. Sam wondered why it had taken so long for this to happen. 

Sam led them off the couch and towards the bedroom still kissing but on the way Sam tripped against a backpack and they both went tumbling to the floor with a yelp. 

“Oh my gosh! Are you alright?” Lucy asked picking herself up off of Sam, her hands at either side of the girls’ head, pressed against the floor. Sam had hit her head on the way down but she let out roars of laughter, not really paying too much attention to the pain. Lucy joined in and soon both their ribs were sore. Sam leaned up and kissed Lucy again, bringing her down on top of her, a smile still on both their lips. They made no second attempt to move to the bedroom. 

 


End file.
